Confession Time

Image by Josh Roulston

Over the last five weeks I have been posting fairly infrequently and in that time I also fell off the Vegan wagon…but wait, there’s more…for a brief while I was pregnant for the first time in my life. As swiftly and surprisingly as pregnancy came, nine weeks later it was all over 😦  In truth, a developing embryo only resided within me for at best, four or five weeks. However my body continued to believe it was pregnant, by (a) continuing to grow an empty gestational sack and (b) serving up the most hideous morning sickness I could have imagined for a further four weeks. OK, I wasn’t vomiting left right and centre; I instead developed an aversion for almost all foods except beige ones and the occasional bit of green, but could happily munch away on MSG laden snacks which seemed to be the only thing which temporarily reduced the nightmarishly unending nausea. There were exceptions to the beige tendancies; Jelly Belly beans could cure all ills on certain days. My sense of smell was also now off the scale and while everything which had previously smelled good to me was poison, bad smells were suddenly amplified by ten.

Image by Amber Nimmervoll

So someone who had previously prided herself on eating good, healthy (and more recently vegan) food, turned into someone who would eat whatever she could stomach. In short this is where free range eggs and farmers market hard cheeses re-entered my limited diet – but not without a struggle I might add. Before the morning sickness reared its ugly head, I marched off to a dietician who specialised in Vegan/Vegetarian diets for advice on how I could stick to my principles while still nourishing the child taking form within me. The news was good; a few nips, tucks and tweaks and he could see no reason my diet would not provide all the nutrients I needed for the journey ahead. However, when the morning sickness kicked in, I soon realised I would have to eat whatever nutritious foods I could stomach to supplement a fairly lacking and unbalanced diet.

After finally experiencing the phenomenon of pregnancy I really do have a new-found respect and empathy for pregnant women; the hormones coursing through body and mind literally take over the driver’s seat and suddenly every breath you take, every move you make (sorry Sting) is about what’s best for the baby. Hence my absence here. After working a full day sitting at a desk in my job as a graphic designer, the only activity I was capable of in the evening, was dropping like a sack of potatoes onto the lounge and drifting into the deepest, coma-like sleep imaginable complete with snoring (I never said it was glamorous) 😉

So now, it will be a period of re-adjustment and taking stock. We couldn’t grieve for the loss of a baby as he or she had left the building (so to speak) weeks earlier at the size of a mere dot. We had however, fallen in love with the idea of what could be and the amazing ride we would embark upon which would change our lives in all kinds of ways forever more.

Throughout this shortlived but enlightening journey, one of my favourite quotes rang true from the beginning and now from an entirely different perspective, still does:

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”
John Lennon

Let’s see what it has in store for us next.


10 thoughts on “Confession Time

  1. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. The same thing happened to me only a short while ago (I also wrote about it on my blog) and in fact, my due date would have been June 6th…..Not looking forward to that day. I also have a close friend who is due in the middle of June, making things even tougher for me. It affected me so much (I have 3 ‘live’ babies and NEVER thought I’d have a miscarriage, followed by a D and C!) that I ended up getting a tattoo on my wrist of an olive, as that was the size the baby was when it died. (it then took another couple of weeks to convince the drs that the pregnancy was over)
    Thank you for sharing your story. It disappointed me to know that miscarriage was such a taboo topic when it happened to me.
    My heart goes out to you and your partner.

  2. Karla – I’m sorry to hear that your pregnancy was so brief and painful. 😦 Thanks for sharing your experience and what you learned about your body!

  3. Haydon says:

    Hi Karla,

    I’m also very sorry for your loss. I was shocked when J told me what had happened. My thoughts go out to both of you during this trying time. Life often throws us curve balls, but from the sounds of it you’re taking it well.

    (and just remember now you can have a drink! :P)

    lots of hugs!

  4. I’m sorry to hear of your loss – I think that the attitude in society that we should be so full of joy and optimism about pregnancy makes it hard for those of us who are aware of how much risk is involved in each pregnancy. But I agree that pregnancy reminds us that the body is an amazing mechanism. Best wishes for taking stock and redirecting your plans.

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